Posts tagged ‘ladies’
Unfortunately, I’m being a crappy person and avoiding all responsibilities right now. Meaning I should have unpacked from Official Cookie Weekend 2010 and started cake balls for charity but I’m so SICK of cake balls.
Instead I’m going to write down a list that we went over this weekend at my mum’s. Now, if we’re being honest (which we are) no one really measures up to the list so just consider going halvsies.
So, withour further ado. Here’s Amanda’s list of what makes a lady:
1.) As previously mentioned, a lady never farts. Ladies toot. Unless it’s for vengeance, there’s nothing ladylike about vengeance and therefore you can vengefully fart and still be a lady.
2.) Ladies have at least 4 accents perfected. Come on. Commit to being a lady and practice here.
3.) Ladies are bad at doing dishes. So bad in fact that people recommend they never do them. Ever.
4.) A lady always tells. A lady will take all jokes one step too far and guess what. It’s NBD. Why? Because she’s a lady, that’s why.
5.) Ladies can have tattoos. As many as I have or plan on having.
6.) A real lady watches extremely dorky TV shows and quotes completely obscure parts of them at random points with people who do not understand. She then may or may not choose to laugh at how silly they are for not getting it. (Case in point: “I see it.”)
7.) A lady can draw anthopomorphic food with clever sayings. Done.
8.) Ladies are good at buying gifts for people because they only buy gifts for people who like what they would buy themselves. Wait, what?
9.) Ladies love hot dogs.
10.) A lady is like a vase with titties….wait no. That’s something else entirely.
I’m exhausted after all that listing. Man. It’s a good thing I’m such a lady. I can school you suckers for days on this. I’ve used that word too much now. That word being “lady”. Goddammit.
There’s a reason to have a ladies night every once in a while.
There’s something to be said about sitting down with a good friend, no boys included, and normalizing your past experiences. It’s necessary to retaining sanity in an otherwise crazy world.
Recently, I’ve had a lot of female bonding experiences. Just last weekend, I went down to Cedar Point with 5 amazing ladies for my (soon to be) sister in law’s bachelorette party. Gossiping about those boys in our lives and talking about things like peeing in a funnel is something you just can’t get when there’s a penis present. Unless of course that boy is there to make your bond closer through teasing.
Another good place to have a ladies night is at a local pub with tasty food. Bonding over feta and goat cheese is always easier. And having Chris Klein and Adam Rodriguez show up can make things even awesomer. (In case you’re wondering, they’re from American Pie and CSI: Miami respectively).
So, trust me, if you haven’t had a lady date recently, it would do you some good to seek one out. You’ll never learn more about yourself if you can’t vent about things and have an objective perspective on the matter.
PS – Cheers to Nick and Kat’s wedding tomorrow!
I realize now that these blog endeavors need an overarching theme.
Therefore, my theme, believe it or not, is being a lady and doing so in style. Granted, I’m not super stylish in some cases, but I am a lady at all times.
Especially when I toot.
Ladies toot. Non-ladies fart. Lesson One.
Here’s another very important lesson for you: RSVP-ing is one of the most important and classy things you need to do.
I recently threw a bridal shower with my lovely sisters for our soon to be lovely other sister. And guess what! Very few people RSVPed! Despite there being several options for how to do so on the invite. They will forever be shamed for this oversight. If you don’t want to be shamed, learn that it’s customary to RSVP by the date you’re told to do so.
Speaking of the shower, it was lovely. Very comforatble and cute. I’m officially a fan of gatherings of generations of women and margaritas. And games! Wait, I was already a fan of games. Well, anyway. It was very nice.
Oh, another note – Ladies love to drink cocktails outside. When confronted with the option of what to do on a sunny day, it’s a safe bet to suggest drinking daiquiries out on tha patio. This goes double if you can arrange for some classy records to be playing.
Also, this classy lady enjoys winning nerdy movie tickets. Maybe other ladies like space movies, but it’s not safe to assume on that one. Best to ask first.