Posts tagged ‘toots’

Shacking Up: Everybody Poops

I’ve decided that this blog is missing some structure.  And that it’s a good idea to introduce a little structure by way of segments.

Now you’ll be able to check in periodically (or subscribe) and see posts that are somewhat cohesive. Or something.

Anyway, my first new addition is going to be titled “Shacking Up”.  And it’s my guide to living in sin with your significant other.  It’s very much only related to my experiences in this department and is in no way meant to generalize towards the rest of the shacking up population.

One of the biggest differences between not living with your boyfriend and living with your boyfriend is poo.

See, a lot of guys are completely not ready for the shared bathroom scenario.  As my brother once said, girls don’t poop.  And it’s hard to shatter that image.  But trust me, girls poop.  And if you live with one you’ll learn that a lot of them poo only at home.  So get used to it.

After a few months of communal bathrooming, you become more comfortable with you SO and then something kind of weird may happen.  You may (or maybe it’s just us) start tinkling with the door ajar.  I’ve decided to view this as a sign that we’re just that much more comfortable with each other.

That’s right, hearing a steady stream is a sign of accomplishment in a relationship.

However, do not think that it’s okay to drop a deuce with the door open.  That’s a never gonna happen – never want to hear situation.  But you will become more comfortable discussing bowel movements while watching reruns of Scrubs.  And you’ll be surprised at the frequency with which you toot in mixed company.

It’s a sign of the times. And times they are a changing.

…Oh God. Did I really just talk about poop? It looks like we’re all shacking up now…

December 3, 2009 at 1:36 am 2 comments

‘Cause I’m a Lady, That’s Why

I realize now that these blog endeavors need an overarching theme.

Therefore, my theme, believe it or not, is being a lady and doing so in style.  Granted, I’m not super stylish in some cases, but I am a lady at all times.

Especially when I toot.

Ladies toot. Non-ladies fart.  Lesson One.

Here’s another very important lesson for you: RSVP-ing is one of the most important and classy things you need to do.

I recently threw a bridal shower with my lovely sisters for our soon to be lovely other sister.  And guess what! Very few people RSVPed! Despite there being several options for how to do so on the invite.  They will forever be shamed for this oversight.  If you don’t want to be shamed, learn that it’s customary to RSVP by the date you’re told to do so.

Speaking of the shower, it was lovely.  Very comforatble and cute.  I’m officially a fan of gatherings of generations of women and margaritas.  And games!  Wait, I was already a fan of games.  Well, anyway. It was very nice.

Oh, another note – Ladies love to drink cocktails outside.  When confronted with the option of what to do on a sunny day, it’s a safe bet to suggest drinking daiquiries out on tha patio.  This goes double if you can arrange for some classy records to be playing.

Also, this classy lady enjoys winning nerdy movie tickets.  Maybe other ladies like space movies, but it’s not safe to assume on that one.  Best to ask first.

May 1, 2009 at 5:38 pm 3 comments


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